Whatever Works Doesn't Work

I feel like every other movie I watch sucks. Oh well, the life of a movie dork. Sigh. I was very disappointed with this movie. I even had low expectations going in and I still was pissed at how bad it was! Blockbuster Online gave Whatever Works 3 out of 5 stars and that's voted on by very forgiving viewers. By boss, who shares a passion for movies as well, told me that this one was only "okay." And even with all this, I still found my self wanting to believe that a movie written and directed by Woody Allen and starring Larry David (creator of Seinfeld, star of Curb Your Enthusiasm, comic genius) had to at least be kind of funny. Nope. I think I laughed once, maybe twice after I'd finished my second beer. I love Woody Allen movies and I think Larry David is hilarious, but the 2 combined just doesn't work. Its kind of like the fact that I love peanut butter and i love barbecue but a peanut butter and barbecue sandwich would probably make me throw up like I'd just eaten a loaf of bread with a gluten allergy. That's the best analogy I could come up with, sorry for the gross visual.

In Whatever Works, Woody Allen comes back to New York after moving to London and Barcelona to make Match Point, Scoop, and Vicki Christina Barcelona. The movie is written like a play, and it might actually be better as a play. It is a series of very simple scenes that are basically comprised of very simple conversations between the characters. It stars Larry David, who plays a guy named Boris, who has a very negative outlook on life, and who frequently breaks the 4th wall to talk to the audience, which, in an attempt to be humorous, only he can see and everyone else thinks he's crazy. He is a genius and basically thinks every one else is retarded. He's a total ass. He's kind of like his character on Curb, but without any of the funny situations. He's actually A LOT meaner in Whatever Works. The title comes from his theory on love. Do whatever works.

Well, Boris meets Melodie, a blond, naive, overly southern, overly dumb, 21 year old ex-beauty queen runaway from Mississippi played by the usually Goth and dark Evan Rachel Wood (the girl dated Marilyn Manson for a while, so you can imagine how normal she is). Well, to make a long story short, old ass Boris and young ass Melodie get married. Her overly southern (I really hate when actors totally overdo southern accents in movies, it almost ruins some movies for me, but i digress) parents eventually find her, and end of staying in New York. As time progresses through the movie, everyone finds out who they really are and what really makes them happy, and everyone basically lives happily ever after. Very strange for a Woody Allen movie, but even the happily ever after is not "normal" happily ever after.

The movie is quirky like Woody Allen's movies tend to be, but it doesn't really have the off beat humor that they tend to have. There are really only a couple of funny parts and they involve really messed up situations. Larry David is just such a jerk that you kind of want to kick him in the face the whole movie. The way the story is told just keeps reminding you of watching a play, which kind of becomes distracting. When I first heard that Woody Allen's next film was going to star Larry David, i got pumped. Psssssss. That's the sound of my deflation. I was so bored while watching this movie that I started playing Scrabble on my computer while it was on. It actually took me 2 nights to get through it because I fell asleep 30 minutes into it the first night. If you have a thing with seeing all of Woody Allen's movies, then fine, go rent it. Otherwise, don't waste the 93 minutes that it takes to get through the film. The happy ending isn't that great.