New Moon - I don't know why, but I watched it...

Yes, I watched New Moon. Yes, I also watched Twilight. And yes, I plan on seeing the others when they come out. And no it’s not because I necessarily think they are very good, but for some reason I am drawn to them. I actually think the acting is pretty terrible, the CGI is kind of bad, and the whole premise of the saga is just depressing. I’m going to get on my pedestal for a second here and say that if I had a little teeny bopper girl, I would not want her to read or see these stories, and I really can’t understand why it is as huge as it is. It seems to me that it condones depression, sadness, and co-dependence to an incredibly unhealthy level. All of this is portrayed as “true love” in the stories, but damn! Love isn’t supposed to be depressing! Okay, pedestal gotten off.

New Moon basically picks up where Twilight left off. Bella (Kristen Stewart) and Edward (Robert Pattinson) are in love. However, after a potentially dangerous event at the Cullen house and realizing that Bella will never be safe as long as he's around, Edward makes the difficult decision to leave his beloved behind shortly after her 18th birthday. As the Cullen family flees Forks in order to protect Bella, the heartbroken Bella discovers that vampires aren't the only creatures in town, but, in fact, Forks is home to werewolves as well. Reeling from her loss, Bella begins to take part in dangerous and life threatening acts after being comforted by Edward's image during a moment of peril. Bella’s loneliness is eased by her old friend Jacob (Taylor Lautner) who distracts her from her sorrows by helping her renovate an old motorbike, and by having his shirt off ALL THE TIME. When Bella encounters one of the vampires that tried to kill her in the first movie, who is obviously going to be a nuisance for the rest of the saga, she's rescued from by pack of enormous, ferocious wolves. We then delve a bit into the history of the Quileutes, the werewolves and Jacob’s tribe. Bella discovers the secrets of Jacob's and their hatred for Edward and all things vampire. Meanwhile, Edward, heart broken after leaving Bella, pines away in Europe. After he is falsely informed that Bella has died, he is so saddened that the only thing he wants to do is die, and the only way he can do that is to expose himself to the world and, as a result, be killed by the Volturi, the vampire ruling class.

I honestly don’t know why I’m sort of drawn to these movies. The chemistry between Bella and Edward is bad, as it is between she and Jacob. I honestly don’t think any of them are really great actors. Taylor Lautner isn’t bad ass the angry other guy. But Kristen Stewart is so awkward; it starts to grind on you. Obviously this is about vampires and werewolves, but there were lots of moments when I was like “And Bella isn’t freaking out? Why isn’t she asking why Jacob has his shirt off in the pouring rain?” Also, the werewolf men are supposed to be all big and strong and these dudes are total wimps! I’m sure there are plenty of jacked Native Americans who could have played these parts. The supporting cast gives some pretty decent performances. Anna Kendrick (Up in the Air) is the only one who seems to think that Bella is a total wacko. Dakota Fanning has like 10 lines but is super creepy.

Like I said, I don’t know why I’m drawn to these movies; they are depressing and not very well acted. Obviously, you’ll see this if you are into the whole Twilight craze. If you are just sort of curious about the whole thing, you should at least give it a whirl. However, if you are looking for a good rental, and want to see a good movie, you can probably pass by this one.

Kick-Ass - Kicked ass!

Kick-Ass was awesome! It was one of the most entertaining movies I’ve seen in a while. It’s an incredibly creative, genre bending movie that is impossible to describe in one or two words. It’s a comedic, super violent, bloody action movie. While it won’t win any awards, I think it’s going to be one of those “gotta have that in my collection” movies.

Kick-Ass is a super hero movie based on a super hero comic book by Mark Millar (the same guy that wrote the comic that “Wanted” is based on). However, none of the “super heroes” have super powers. The movie follows Dave Lizewski, an unnoticed high school student and comic book fan who one day just up and decides to become a super-hero named Kick-Ass, even though he has no powers, training or meaningful reason to do so other than his frustration with people not helping others. Unbeknownst to him, there is already a super hero duo, which is a father-11 year old daughter team who go by Big Daddy (Nicholas Cage) and Hit Girl (Chloe Moretz) out there already fighting crime, more particularly methodically taking out the empire of crime boss, Frank D’Amico (Mark Strong – the bad guy in Sherlock Holmes, RocknRolla, Sunshine, Stardust, well, you get the point). These two actually do have training, and can actually “kick ass.” After Dave/Kick-Ass becomes an internet sensation when he is videoed taking on 4 thugs to protect a total stranger, D’Amico, after hearing that a masked crusader is the one responsible for his slow down fall, mistakenly decides to take out Kick-Ass, thinking that he is the one responsible.

Kick-Ass is like no other movie I’ve ever seen. It’s like some teen angst, comedy about a silly kid who thinks he can fight crime. But it is also incredibly violent, and to some people, incredibly disturbing. The body count has got to be in the 50s or 60s. But what really makes it strange and disturbing is Hit Girl. She is this 11 year old girl who A) Wears a Lone Ranger-esque mask and blue wig, B) Says both c**ts and c**k C) Gets shot in the chest by her father (gotta see it to understand that one) D) Kills the majority of the people in the movie, including cutting off heads and limbs and some seemingly innocent “bad guys” and E) Gets her butt whooped by a grown man. If none of this scares you off, then some of the other stuff won’t offend you either. I know all that seems awful, but if you leave your judgment at the door and just watch the movie, open your mind to the entertainment of the whole thing, I think you’ll think this movie is wicked awesome. Oh yeah, it’s also got McLovin in it, but I don’t want to give too much away.

I know some people are going to be too disturbed by the little girl doing the things she does, but the action scenes involving her are badass. If any one of the macho action stars were doing what she does, they would be considered some of the coolest action sequences ever. For what it’s worth, I think the fact that an 11 year old girl is doing it makes it ever cooler. This is a comedy, but more than that, I think it’s a violent, action flick. Dudes, I think you’ll definitely enjoy this one. I watched this one with my lady and she liked it, however she also likes American Psycho and Gladiator. So if you are a lady and like a little blood and guts, and maybe some cool action sequences, you’ll thoroughly enjoy this. Most of all, if you are able to suspend your disbelief and remember that it’s just a movie, you’ll have a blast.

The Boondock Saints II - not as good as the first, and probably really only enjoyed by huge fans of said first

The Boondock Saints was a cult hit when it came put around 10 years ago. The movie was far from award winning, done on a shoe string budget, totally ridiculous, and absolutely awesome. Like the rest of my friends who became obsessed with the Saints, I was hooked after the first viewing. After that, I watched multiple times on multiple days. Fans like myself desperately wanted the MacManus twins to come back and dole out some violent vengeance. Well, 10 years later we have The Boondock Saints II: All Saints Day, and while it was entertaining and violent and ridiculous, it just wasn't nearly as good as the original.

For those of you who don't know, The Boondock Saints are Irish twins Connor and Murphy living in South Boston. They are hard drinking, expletive spewing, good Catholic boys. Long story short, they start going around killing bad guys in the name of the Lord, and basically get away with it, with the help of some cops and a crazy FBI agent. I say basically because after a very public execution of a mob boss they are pretty much forced to move back to Ireland and live on a sheep farm with their father, also an infamous bad guy killer. Their quiet life is interrupted when their beloved priest in Boston is killed and it is made to look as if they did it. The brothers have no choice but to return back to Boston and start doling out the vengeance on the bad guys that did this. However, this time, there is a deeper reason for drawing out the brothers and past sins come back to haunt some of the parties involved.

Saints 2 continues the trigger happy style of the first film with rapid fire shoot outs, film homages, and witty back and forth dialogue that is thoroughly entertaining. The gun play in this one is more stylized, and it makes for some very entertaining action packed scenes that should please everyone who loved the first film. Most of the old cast has returned. The new cast, who all bring some entertaining acting with them, mostly form the comic relief.

Unfortunately, All Saints Day isn't quite up to par with the first film. The first film seemed to have a natural flow to it, the sequel a bit choppy. Mostly though, the new actors seem to try too hard. While everyone is fun and entertaining, a lot of it is just too over the top, and after a while it gets old. Julie Benz and Clifton Collins Jr. try to make up for their first films counterparts, being Wilem Defoe and David Della Rocco respectively, but seemed to just try to be more over the top than their predecessors. The new cast members seem to be trying to make up for a lack of craziness that the originals had, and it shows. There are also several silly and useless scenes that, while entertaining, are out of place.

Fortunately, the end of the film is saved by a fantastic, super violent climax headed by Billy Connolly and Peter Fonda. Their scene at the end is the best acting in either of the films and these veterans save the flick.

If anything, the movie has few cameos and bit parts from some characters in the first which should, at the very least, leave you smiling as the credits roll. Like I said, its not as good as the first and hard core fans may find themselves a little disappointed as it doesn't quite fill the shoes of the original, but it is entertaining none the less. A good solid guy rental.

2012 - the disaster movie to end all disaster movies...basically because the world totally ends

I don't really understand why disaster movies do so well in the theaters. I mean I understand, they have crazy ass special effects and people love to look at that, and there's also this morbid fascination that people have with the world ending. I personally hate watching disaster movies, but yet here I am about to give one a semi-favorable review. SEMI-favorable.

2012 is about the end of the world. The end. Naw, I'm just joking. But really, it's about the end of the world. Basically what happens is the sun microwaves the Earth, causing the Earth's crust to soften and start moving around. This causes crazy huge earth quakes, tsunamis, explosions, basically everything bad, ...and awesome to look at on screen. The story follows Jackson Curtis (John Kusak) as a lovable loser/divorced dad/limo driver/struggling novelist as he fights to keep his young kids, his ex-wife (hot Amanda Peet) and her new boyfriend alive. In doing so he meets crazy Charlie Frost (crazy Woody Harrelson) in addition to others and all of the people he meets in some way help him stay alive. We learn that the world leaders have known about this for a while and have created huge "arcs" to keep the people that can afford million dollar tickets to ride alive. Hence the goal of our hero. Get to the arcs.

2012 has all kinds of stars in it. John Kusak, Amanda Peet, Woody Harrelson. Also, Oliver Platt (A Time to Kill, The Ice Harvest) as the "bad guy" as if facing the end of the world wasn't enough. Danny Glover (Lethal Weapons) as the Pres. Thandie Newton (Mission: Impossible 2) as the Pres's hot, brilliant daughter. Chiwetel Ejiofor (Children of Men, Inside Man) as the "good guy" scientist. Lotsa good actors to fill the space between CGI laden Earth damage.

This one definitely has the most massive, visually mind blowing scenes of any of the disaster movies, and for that it gets a semi-favorable review. The only worthwhile performance is Woody Harrelson's crazy dude. You won't really miss anything if you watch it on mute, but its still cool to watch.

I've discovered the formula to making a successful disaster movie. 1. Don't show the billions of people that actually die, because that's just depressing and we don't want to have a depressing movie about the end of humankind now do we? 2. Distract the view from the billions of deaths with mind blowing action scenes and special effects. 3. Don't kill off likable characters, and if you do, make them happy about dying or at least be totally at peace and serene. 3. Have the survivors live so happily ever after that you forget about the fact the a the whole world just died, and have the characters forget that as well. Do all that and you'll have a blockbuster.

I wouldn't recommend you rent this one, but if it's on HBO and you have about 2 and a half hours to kill, then you'd probably enjoy it, but don't expect to really "like" it, just expect to not hate it and really like the special effects.

Up In The Air - harshly realistic, and totally captivating

Up In The Air got lots of Oscar hype when it came out. Many of us want to think that if it's getting all this hype, then it should be one of the best movies we've ever seen. Well, this movie isn't one of the best movies I've ever seen, but I will say that it touched me in a way that not many movies have ever touched me, and I think it did that for many, and in my humble opinion, that, boys and girls, is why it got the hype that it did.

George Clooney plays Ryan Bingham. A man who's job is to fire people from theirs. Ryan is flying around the US over 320 days of the year, which he feels is the best part of his job. He does whatever he can to rack up frequent flyer miles, the goal not to use them but just to accumulate them to a specific number he has in his mind. A secondary job he has is to give motivational speeches on relieving one's life of excess physical and emotional baggage. Basically, how being alone is the best thing for you. He truly does believe what he preaches as he lives out of his carry-on suitcase , he is not close to his siblings (although he does do a favor for his sister while on his travels), nor does he have or want a significant person in his life. His boss (Jason Bateman) hires a young overachieving woman named Natalie (Anna Kendrick), who develops a method of video conferencing that will firings without ever leaving the home office - essentially threatening the existence Ryan so cherishes. Determined to show the Natalie the error of her logic, Ryan takes her on one of his cross country firing expeditions, but as she starts to realize the disheartening realities of her profession, he begins to see the downfalls to his way of life when he falls for a fellow traveler named Alex (Vera Farmiga). Both Ryan and Natalie grow up, Ryan seeing that maybe emotional connections are good, and Natalie realizing that there is something to being a compassionate person.

This movie a slow moving, drama. Yes there are some comedic bits, but for the most part, it's serious. The movie is incredibly poignant in today's economic environment. But more importantly than the social commentary that the movie makes is the human relationships that are formed. It's not all good, there is some good, some bad. Everyone is a gray area. Just like everyone of us.

Clooney plays his usual suave, cocky self, but he is able to play the man who is losing some of that confidence in his way of life and his belief system so well that you forget all the "bad" he has done. He goes from thinking he is compassionate, to actually being so. Farmiga (The Departed, Orphan, Joshua) is okay, her character is less about who she is but what she brings about in Clooney's. SHe's almost a girl Clooney, without the transformation. The one who really brings it is Anna Kendrick. She's "best" known for being Bella's best friend (human) in the Twilight movies. Yeah, I know this, sue me. But she is the heart of the film. She's an annoying, overachieving type-A bitch. In the beginning. And then becomes the one who you just want to hug in the end.

This movie doesn't have a "happy" ending. It doesn't have a huge, exciting climax. Everything is extremely subtle and subdued, but it works. You feel it all. You feel sad, disappointed, unsatisfied, but you also feel warmed, happy, hopeful. This isn't some Nicholas Sparks story, its real. Not everything ends happily ever after, but it can end happier than it started, or at least can lead to some happiness for the characters, in the future, after the credits roll.

I highly recommend this one. If you go into it, knowing what you now know, I think all of you will find yourself thinking about it weeks after you see it. I know I am.

Alice in Wonderland - directed by Tim Burton, starring Johnny Depp, it's gonna bake your noodle

Look, Alice in Wonderland is a weird story and it's long been rumored that Lewis Carroll was on acid when he wrote it. Tim Burton is one weird hombre and I don't know if they have a name for the drugs that he's on when he makes his movies. Johnny Depp is a fantastic actor, but lets be honest, the man can create some crazy weird characters. Put these 3 together and you know whats going to come out the other end is something that is totally going to bottle your mind. (see Blade of Glory)

The retelling of the story is basically a sequel to the original. In the 2010 version, Alice is a bit older and has gone to Wonderland, left and returned to the real world, forgotten Wonderland, and returns back to Wonderland the same way she arrived the 1st time, down the rabbit hole. But this time, Wonderland is a lot darker (Surprise, surprise. Way to change it up, Tim Burton). The Red Queen's reign of terror has made Wonderland a scary place, and Alice is the only one who can end her reign and restore peace.

Alice is played by newcomer Mia Wasikowska who is just pale and angelic enough to be both our sweet lovable heroine Alice, but still be just creepy enough to make Tim Burton happy. Johnny Depp plays the Mad Hatter and boy is he mad. He's got yellow eyes, and orange hair, eye brows, and eye lashes. He also uses about 4 different accents throughout the film including a childish lisp and a Scottish brogue. Helena Bonham Carter is the Red Queen whose head is twice the size of her body. Ann Hathaway plays the White Queen and everything on her is lily white except her black ass eyebrows.

The story is entertaining enough and is basically something that is there to give Tim Burton an opportunity to create one visually freaky world. Not only are everyone of the characters super crazy looking, but Wonderland, is a wonderland of visual effects and colors. You might actually have just as much fun watching this one on mute as you would listening to it because the story and the dialog are what make this one watchable, its the things that you are watching. See writing about this is even making me weird as I do it. I watched this in 3D which probably added to the freakishness. Now, I've never dropped acid or done any sort of a hallucinogen, but I imagine this has got to be what it's like. I enjoyed this one simply because I enjoyed looking at it. If you are looking for a good movie, with strong dialogue and a in depth plot, you will me a bit upset, because none of that is there. If you want to have one weird, visually stunning, trippy ass time, this is the flick for you. If you drink, I suggest having a few while you watch it, it might enhance the effect.

Shutter Island - Lehane + Scorsese + DiCaprio = Solid

Shutter Island is just a good movie, simple as that. It's not great and its definitely not The Departed but I think you'd be hard pressed to find someone who has seen this movie and that wouldn't recommend you watch it. They may not rant and rave, but they'll definitely suggest it. At least that's what I'm going to tell myself, because that's what I'm doing right now.

Shutter Island is based on a Dennis Lehane novel by the same name. For those of you who don't know Lehane, see Mystic River, see Gone Baby Gone. Yeah, he wrote those. The movie is directed by Martin Scorsese. If you don't know who that guy is I have two words for you. "You suck." It stars Leonardo DiCaprio who is in probably every scene and is supported brilliantly by Ben Kingsley (Gandhi) and Mark Ruffalo (Blindness, Reservation Road). There's also a who's who of other supporting actors including Max Von Sydow (Minority Report), Michelle Williams (Dawson's Creek), and Emily Mortimer (Math Point) just to name a few.

Shutter Island takes place in 1954 on Boston's Shutter Island Ashecliffe Hospital U.S. marshal Teddy Daniels (DiCaprio) and his partner Chuck Aule (Ruffalo) are assigned to investigate the disappearance of a patient, a murderess name Rachel. From the beginning, things on Shutter Island are not as they should be. It appears the hospital doctors whose radical treatments range from unethical to illegal to downright sinister seem to have a very sinister twisted plot brewing. Teddy's shrewd investigating skills soon provide a promising lead, but the hospital refuses him access to records he suspects would break the case wide open. As a hurricane cuts off communication with the mainland, more dangerous criminals "escape" in the confusion, and the puzzling, improbable clues multiply, plot twists happen, things begin to not make sense, and the audience, along with Teddy, begins to doubt everything they've seen, believed, and thought. The movie makes you question what you've believed and what you've thought the whole time.

Now, I had pretty high expectations going into this one. I mean, Scorsese and DiCaprio set the bar pretty high with The Departed, and while I know every movie those dudes make isn't going to be that awesome, I couldn't help but hope this one would be too. While it wasn't The Departed, it was a thoroughly engrossing movie all the same. The movie kept you watching, kept you thinking, and most of all kept you guessing. Leo delivers one of his best performances and for what its worth, I felt like he carried the entire film. I think anyone, even if they don't recommend it like I pretend people will, will at least tell you Leo did an awesome job. There a few really awesome plot twists, however, I just did what I hate. When a movie is billed as having a plot twist, I tend to spend the whole time trying to figure it out, and lose what the movie is really meant to do.

I recommend this one. It would be a solid rental any day of the week. It's creepy, tense, well acted, visually stimulating, and just good entertainment. Some movies, the ones that give your mind, body, or heart a workout, make you feel like you've accomplished something by watching it, Shutter Island does just that. Watch it, and enjoy.