If I had to use 2 words to describe Crank 2 it would probably have to be, um, Absolutely Ridiculous. I mean this movie is nuts. Think the writers must have gotten drunk or high or something and just wrote down every crazy scene they could think of. For those of you who aren't educated on the Crank franchise, Crank 2, obviously the sequel to Crank 1, begins immediately where the first Crank left off. Crank ends with the main character Chev Chelios (played by the Transporter Jason Statham) falling thousands of feet from a helicopter, hitting the roof of a car, crushing said roof, then bouncing off said roof, 20 feet in the air, then landing face first in the middle of the road. I would go into the details of how Chev got into the position of falling from a helicopter, but it might just make your brain explode. Let's just say the man is basically indestructible.
In Crank 1, Chev is injected with a poison that will stop his heart if his adrenaline stops, but his heart doesn't stop so Chinese mobsters in Crank 2 decide that his heart is indestructible along with the rest of his organs (including his porn star sized "organ"), so they remove his heart for the head Chinese mobster (who is played by Kill Bills David Carridine RIP), and give him an artificial heart to keep him alive long enough to take out the rest of his organs, including his "organ." But this artificial heart only stays working for so long and requires regular electrical charges to stay working. Needless to say, events transpire resulting in the regular power source of the heart getting destroyed, and coincidentally, it is discovered that the heart will charge when Chev sends electrical currents through his body. This results in Chev doing things like tasing himself repeatedly, clipping jumper cables to his tongue and nipple, and grabbing a hold of electrical transformers to stay alive. Like I said, Ridiculous.
So, what did I think about this movie? I had a really good time. However, you have to totally suspend your disbelief. You have to totally dumb out and forget every intelligent thought you have in your brain. Keep reminding yourself that this movie is supposed to be ridiculous. And just get in the mood to see some of the most insane things you've ever seen on screen. If you are able to do that, then well, you'll be entertained for an hour and a half. If not, then you'll be like one of my facebook friends who wrote as her status "Crank 2 is the worst movie ever. Ever." And while I wouldn't go that far, I can see her point, because it is the most ridiculous movie ever. Ever. And I can also see, that even if a woman is able to do all the things I advised above, she will still probably hate it. It's definitely a dude movie. Read: Gratuitous nudity and violence.
Just to give you a taste of just how off-the-wall this movie is, I'll tell you some events that transpire within the first, oh 30-45 mins of the movie. There's a heart removal while the patient is awake and watching, a shot gun is dipped in motor oil then shoved up a guys, well, you know, there's a shoot out in a strip club (see Gratuitous nudity) in which a stripper gets shot through the breast implants and you see her boobs ooze out silicone and deflate like water balloons, and there's also a sex scene in the middle of a horse race, on the track, while horses are running by.
So, I think this movie should probably be rated 2 ways. On any sort of intelligent, normal, even remotely believable scale, it would get at best a D-. But on the good, dumb, crazy fun scale, I'd have to give it a B or B+. So there you have it, but consider yourself warned that this is a totally insane movie.
In Crank 1, Chev is injected with a poison that will stop his heart if his adrenaline stops, but his heart doesn't stop so Chinese mobsters in Crank 2 decide that his heart is indestructible along with the rest of his organs (including his porn star sized "organ"), so they remove his heart for the head Chinese mobster (who is played by Kill Bills David Carridine RIP), and give him an artificial heart to keep him alive long enough to take out the rest of his organs, including his "organ." But this artificial heart only stays working for so long and requires regular electrical charges to stay working. Needless to say, events transpire resulting in the regular power source of the heart getting destroyed, and coincidentally, it is discovered that the heart will charge when Chev sends electrical currents through his body. This results in Chev doing things like tasing himself repeatedly, clipping jumper cables to his tongue and nipple, and grabbing a hold of electrical transformers to stay alive. Like I said, Ridiculous.
So, what did I think about this movie? I had a really good time. However, you have to totally suspend your disbelief. You have to totally dumb out and forget every intelligent thought you have in your brain. Keep reminding yourself that this movie is supposed to be ridiculous. And just get in the mood to see some of the most insane things you've ever seen on screen. If you are able to do that, then well, you'll be entertained for an hour and a half. If not, then you'll be like one of my facebook friends who wrote as her status "Crank 2 is the worst movie ever. Ever." And while I wouldn't go that far, I can see her point, because it is the most ridiculous movie ever. Ever. And I can also see, that even if a woman is able to do all the things I advised above, she will still probably hate it. It's definitely a dude movie. Read: Gratuitous nudity and violence.
Just to give you a taste of just how off-the-wall this movie is, I'll tell you some events that transpire within the first, oh 30-45 mins of the movie. There's a heart removal while the patient is awake and watching, a shot gun is dipped in motor oil then shoved up a guys, well, you know, there's a shoot out in a strip club (see Gratuitous nudity) in which a stripper gets shot through the breast implants and you see her boobs ooze out silicone and deflate like water balloons, and there's also a sex scene in the middle of a horse race, on the track, while horses are running by.
So, I think this movie should probably be rated 2 ways. On any sort of intelligent, normal, even remotely believable scale, it would get at best a D-. But on the good, dumb, crazy fun scale, I'd have to give it a B or B+. So there you have it, but consider yourself warned that this is a totally insane movie.
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