Inglorious Basterds = Glorious Awesomeness

Warning!! This may be a long one as I am totally jazzed up about this movie. I have five words for all of you. Go. See. Inglorious. Basterds. Now! I don't know if its me but it seems very rare that there are many movies out there that are so good that you walk out the theater, grinning like an idiot, eyes wide, thinking "Damn, that movie was AWESOME!" But this one did that for me.

Let me preface this review with saying that I really love Quentin Tarantino movies, and this one is very Quentin Tarantino. For those of you that don't know what "very Quentin Tarantino" means, here's what it means. Long conversations between 2 characters about the stupidest stuff you can ever think about, yet its very entertaining. Example from IB, a conversation about the difference between a rat and a squirrel. Characteristic number 2, extremely gruesome, sudden, and often unexpected violence. Characteristic number 3, totally zany, off the wall characters that are so unique, you can't get enough of them. Characteristic 4, deaths of seemingly important main characters at totally random and unexpected times. This is probably my favorite because in Tarantino's films, almost every scene is intense because any one could die at any time. Especially in this film. But I digress. The last but not least, many parallel story lines that eventually intersect.

IB has all these characteristics and more. This movie is a story about WWII. Its about a group of Jewish American soldiers lead by a Smoky Mountain redneck Aldo Raine, played brilliantly by Brad Pitt (we'll get to him soon enough). Their sole mission is to hunt down Nazis or Nat-zees, kill them, scalp them, repeat. Its also about a Jewish girl named Shoshanna who is the lone survivor of her family's massacre who now owns a movie theater in which the movie's climax takes place. There's also the movie's "villain" a Nazi Col. Landa. Who coincidentally ordered the massacre on Shoshanna's family. All these characters converge on Shoshanna's theater where all of the Nazi leaders are going to be converging to view a Nazi film. Each character has their own plans for the gathering. None of which are peaceful, lets just say that.

This movie is about WWII as I said earlier, but it could not be more historically inaccurate, which is another reason why this movie is so bad ass. Things happen to Nazis that are gruesome and terrible and awful and violent and absolutely GREAT. Nazis are shown to be scum, you hate them and want them to die, and you almost cheer out loud when really bad things happen to them. The majority of these bad things happen at the hands of Pitt and his team of Jewish soldiers. I literally found myself having to keep from cheering out loud and screaming, "YEAH! Eff that Nazi UP!"

With a running time of 2 hours and 32 mins, I don't need to tell you its long. BUT not once did I feel like it was too long. In fact, I went in knowing how long the movie was, and almost checked my watch to see how long the movie had been going so I knew how much more I had to enjoy before the movie would end and my fun would stop. Kind of like when you are on an awesome date and you check the clock, not because you want to go home, but just to know how much longer you get to hang with that person.

This movie is funny but doesn't try to be funny. The characters are just that awesome and wacky that some of the things they do and say are so nuts that you can't help but laugh. Its incredibly intense at some parts, especially one scene that is a standoff that involves guns and testicles. Its also violent and gruesome, but not so much that you are turned off by it, but this is your warning, there are some gross ass parts. I loved it because most of the gore was directed at Nazis, but there were parts when the guys beside me said to himself "was that necessary?" Of course its not necessary! Its Tarantino and its awesome!

The real beauty, if you will, behind this flick, are the characters. Brad Pitt, who is my favorite actor and has been since Legends of the Fall, gives probably my favorite performance he's ever given, other than maybe 12 Monkeys. He plays this off the wall, hillbilly, Nazi HATING, mustache sporting, weird face squinting, snuff snorting, leader of a Nazi killing unit. His character has this crazy accent and voice, and everything he says, and I mean every word, is kind of funny, even though he's not really saying anything funny. TRIVIA point: he also sports an unexplained scar on his neck that is similar to what a scar from a failed lynching would look like. But every scene he is in is captivating. But on the other side, but just as weird and entertaining is the villain Col. Landa. Where Pitt's Lt. Raine is brute and too the point with his prey. Col. Landa loves to toy with his, having long seemingly friendly conversations with them, expertly building the tension in some scenes to an almost unbearable brink. Its worth seeing the movie to see these to dudes work their magic. The two leading women Shoshanna played by Melanie Laurent and Brigit von Hammersmark played by Diane Kruger, help carry the story along but don't really bring too much to the movie except give Tarantino an excuse to film feet (notice all his movies have at least one shot of a woman's feet). Til Schweiger plays the only German on the Basterds, and is great, but doesn't get nearly enough screen time. Michael Fassbender (the skinny Spartan in 300 who says they'll fight in the shade) plays a Brit who is the catalyst/cause of probably the most intense scene in the movie. Eli Roth (the director of Hostel) plays the Jewish Bear and while his acting isn't the best, he gets to do some of the coolest stuff in the whole movie (trust me, at the end, you'll see what I'm talking about). BJ Novak (Ryan the Temp from the Office) is in it but doesn't say a line until he is hilarious at the end. Mike Meyers is in there too, but i think the only reason he's in it is for the audience to say, "Hey there's Mike Meyers!" Also, pay close attention to the Narrator. I think you'll get a kick out of it.

In the end, this movie had it all. Humor, violence, sadness, a great ending. Movies are meant to entertain, and this one entertained me from beginning to end. I want everyone to go see this movie. If I had to rate it I'd give it an A+.

What not to watch.

Confessions of a Shopaholic. I can't believe I'm even admitting that I watched this movie! Actually, I can't believe I even added to my Blockbuster Online movie queue, and even more I can't believe I let it get to the top! But now the cat's out of the bag. To my defense, Isla Fisher is a pretty hot redhead. And you'd be lying if you didn't think she was awesome in Wedding Crashers, thus the reason I even thought about watching this movie. But I know this is no excuse for a complete lack in movie watching judgment. Regardless, I watched it, and I honestly say I'll miss those 2 hours I'll never get back. I'm not even going to waste time giving you a synopsis on the movie. Just take my word for it. Its not funny. The romance isn't enough to get any girl feeling mushy. Isla Fisher's character is that girl that Hollywood seems to love recently. The absolutely idiotic, crazy girl with the heart of gold that wins the handsome, normal guy's heart with her insane quirks and flaw. Blah blah blah. If you're a girl, and you have nothing to do, if your hair is washed, your closet has already been arranged, and there is only one channel working and this is on, then you should watch this movie. Otherwise, maybe your jeans should be on the other side of your closet after all.

So true, so true.

I know I probably sent this to everyone that has ever or will ever read this blog in an email and I know this has nothing to do with movies, but I feel like it is worth posting so that I can be read again. As the person that sent me this promised, this really made my day because its hilarious how we all feel the same way about most of this stuff. (I can't really relate to the ninja thing, but whatever.)

This guy is a genius.

Random thoughts from people our age...

-I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
-More often than not, when someone is telling me a story all I can think about is that I can't wait for them to finish so that I can tell my own story that's not only better, but also more directly involves me.
-Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
-I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?
-Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you're going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going? But instead of just turning a 180 and walking back in the direction from which you came, you have to first do something like check your watch or phone or make a grand arm gesture and mutter to yourself to ensure that no one in the surrounding area thinks you're crazy by randomly switching directions on the sidewalk.
-That's enough, Nickelback.
-I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
-Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on Facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?
-Do you remember when you were a kid, playing Nintendo and it wouldn't work? You take the cartridge out, blow in it and that would magically fix the problem. Every kid in America did that, but how did we all know how to fix the problem? There was no internet or message boards or FAQ's. We just figured it out. Today's kids are soft.
-There is a great need for sarcasm font.
-Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the f was going on when I first saw it.
-I think everyone has a movie that they love so much, it actually becomes stressful to watch it with other people. I'll end up wasting 90 minutes shiftily glancing around to confirm that everyone's laughing at the right parts, then making sure I laugh just a little bit harder (and a millisecond earlier) to prove that I'm still the only one who really, really gets it.
-How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
-I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
- I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
-The only time I look forward to a red light is when I’m trying to finish a text.
- A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.
- Was learning cursive really necessary?
- Lol has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".
- I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
- Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying.
- My brother's Municipal League baseball team is named the Stepdads. Seeing as none of the guys on the team are actual stepdads, I inquired about the name. He explained, "Cuz we beat you, and you hate us." Classy, bro.
- Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".
- How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear what they said?
- I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars teams up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers!
- Every time I have to spell a word over the phone using 'as in' examples, I will undoubtedly draw a blank and sound like a complete idiot. Today I had to spell my boss's last name to an attorney and said "Yes that's G as in...(10 second lapse)..ummm...Goonies"
-What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?
- While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it...thanks Mario Kart.
- MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
- Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
- I find it hard to believe there are actually people who get in the shower first and THEN turn on the water.
-Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
- I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. Example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."
-I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
- Bad decisions make good stories
-Whenever I'm Facebook stalking someone and I find out that their profile is public I feel like a kid on Christmas morning who just got the Red Ryder BB gun that I always wanted. 546 pictures? Don't mind if I do!
- Is it just me or do high school girls dress more inappropriately every year?
-If Carmen San Diego and Waldo ever got together, their offspring would probably just be completely invisible.
-Why is it that during an ice-breaker, when the whole room has to go around and say their name and where they are from, I get so incredibly nervous? Like I know my name, I know where I'm from, this shouldn't be a problem....
-You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
-Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.
-There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.
-I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
- "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this ever.
-I hate being the one with the remote in a room full of people watching TV. There's so much pressure. 'I love this show, but will they judge me if I keep it on? I bet everyone is wishing we weren't watching this. It's only a matter of time before they all get up and leave the room. Will we still be friends after this?'
-I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Dammit!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
- I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
-When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
-I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my iTunes.
-Why is a school zone 20 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...
- As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
-Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
-It should probably be called Unplanned Parenthood.
-I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
-Even if I knew your social security number, I wouldn't know what do to with it.
-Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I’d bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...
-My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
-It really pisses me off when I want to read a story on CNN.com and the link takes me to a video instead of text.
-I wonder if cops ever get pissed off at the fact that everyone they drive behind obeys the speed limit.
-I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
-I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
-The other night I ordered takeout, and when I looked in the bag, saw they had included four sets of plastic silverware. In other words, someone at the restaurant packed my order, took a second to think about it, and then estimated that there must be at least four people eating to require such a large amount of food. Too bad I was eating by myself. There's nothing like being made to feel like a fat bastard before dinner.

Top 10 current DVD recommendations

I've frequently get calls from friends standing in Blockbuster asking me what they should rent. This isn't as easy as it sounds. I first just want to say join Blockbuster online or Netflix, it's a butt load easier, and cheaper. But heres some recommendations for you.

These are in no particular order.

1. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly - foreign film, but very captivating
2. The Soloist - i may write a review of this, it was only OK, but great seeing Robert Downey, Jr and Jamie Foxx on screen together.
3. 17 Again - Gay i know. But this was actually a pretty funny, heartwarming, feel good flick, and who can deny those movies.
4 and 5. Push and Knowing - both cool sci fi flicks, nothing mindblowing, but good sofa entertainment
6. Gran Torino - Eastwood. Enough said.
7. Killshot - Mickey Rourke as a hit man, Joseph Gordon-Leavitt as his crazy ass apprentice. Diane Lane, not nude, but still hot!
8. The Reader - Superb acting. Kate Winslet as a Nazi.
9. I Love You, Man - much better than I expected, actually a lot of funny parts.
10. Let the Right One In - Probably one of the best movies I've seen in a long time. Its a foreign one too, but its dubbed with English. EVERYONE should rent this. Its so good Hollywood has decided to ruin it by making an American version. WATCH THIS MOVIE!

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District 9, an expectation flick

I call District 9 an expectation flick I think your expectations going into the theater will greatly influence how much you like this movie. Critics all across America are raving about this movie, as they should. BUT, and I want you to pay attention to this, don't let your expectations get too high. I went into the theater expecting some terrific, groundbreaking, good vs. evil sci fi actioner. And while it was groundbreaking, and an amazing sci fi actioner, it wasn't as terrific as I had hoped, and the good vs. evil thing is a not what I was expecting. For those of you who may be living in a cave, District 9 is a movie that takes place in an alternate reality where, 20 years ago, aliens came to Earth, more specifically Johannesburg, South Africa, in a broken down ship. The are subsequently put into a shanty town called District 9. Fast forward 20 years to the present day. The world is just as we know it, except aliens are refugees in South Africa. This stirs up images and memories of the Apartheid, but avoids any political grandstanding. The protagonist of the story is a man who works for the company that is in charge of relocating the aliens (or prawns as they are referred to in the movie) to another facility (see concentration camp) further away from the city. The story goes on from there.

In my opinion, I wasn't crazy about this movie. Having said that, it's hard for me to really put my finger on why I didn't. This movie has everything a great movie should, everything that says, for once, all the critics are right. Let me start with what I liked about the movie, and why I understand why its getting the reviews its getting. The special effects are absolutely AMAZING. But not over done, I mean this movie was made on a relatively small budget. The aliens look real. Like they are actual real live beings. The ship that hovers above the city looks like it is really there. The first act of the movie is brilliantly told in a documentary style which follows around the protagonist, a guy named Wickus (guess its a South African thing...). This effectively gets you engaged in the movie because it makes you feel like you are watching a real news program, like aliens really do live in South Africa. The turning point for the second act is a total WTF! moment which I did not see coming, and thus totally enjoyed. The last act is a continuous non-stop action ride. The movie effectively went from a deliberate, sci fi thinker, to a crazy, holy shit did that just happen? action thrill ride.

Now, let me tell you what I didn't like. The middle drags on a bit too long. There are quite a few plot holes. One gaping one is that a broken down spaceship still manages to stay hovering over a city. Another is that, some how, after twenty years, aliens under stand English and Nigerian, and everyone understands alien, even Nigerian gangsters, but whatever, its a movie, suspend your disbelief right? The holes in the plot do not take away from the movie at all, and actually just make it a little cooler, but they are still holes. My main problem was that I couldn't connect with Wickus. At first he seems like a lovable, kind hearted sort of loser, but then when he's working with the aliens, he seems kind of weaselly. The main thing that bothered me, is that I thought the climax or the main problem that would drive the movie, would be something involving human vs. alien, kind of like all the other hundreds of alien movies, and while it kind of is, it is also kind of not. But because its different, it really actually makes the movie a little cooler.

Having said all this, I think District 9 deserves another viewing. I may have just been in a bad mood when I watched it. My roommate saw it last night and really liked it, but he said he was glad he heard my somewhat negative review, in addition to all the rave reviews he read, because it lowered his expectations just enough to where he thoroughly enjoyed it. I advise everyone to go see this movie, just because it is very unique, and a different story. While I can't give it rave reviews, I think I'll give it another shot.

A late review, but for those who haven't seen it yet. Also my First Post! Funny People.

If a really funny comedy like Knocked Up and a tear jerking drama like The Wrestler met and had a baby, that baby might be named Funny People. What type of a movie is Funny People? Some people may call it a dark comedy, some may call it a dramedy. But that still doesn't seem to describe what type of movie Funny People really is. We've all seen movies that deal with very serious situations in comical ways, many times its a dysfunctional family or relationship that is funny because the situations created are just uncomfortable and the viewer has to laugh to survive the film. A prime example of this is The Royal Tenebaums. Another is the Cable Guy. When I saw these movies, I was able to tell my friends that these movies were dark comedies and I felt, I'd described them justly. I feel like a classic dark comedic moment is when someone is suddenly hit by a bus and they're body goes flying in some crazy direction. Don't judge me. We all know what I talking about, when some one is in the middle of a crazy arguement but is then drilled my an unexpected bus, we all kind of laugh at the moment. Kind of a "Holy Shit, did that just happen?!" thing. Its funny in that it was strange to look at and unexpected but dark because someone just got destroyed by a freaking bus! Funny People is not one of those kind of movies at all. There were times when I was laughing so hard i had a hard time hearing the next line, but then there were times when I was so sad and moved that I wanted to cry or scream. There were even times in one scene where one line would make me laugh and the very next one would make me want to cry. None of the main characters are totally good and totally bad. They are all grey. Every character does things that make you want to root for them and hug them, but they also do things that make you want to knock the shit out of them. No main character avoids this conundrum. Its the dynamic characters that make movies interesting, at least to me. Yes, the actual plot does matter, and the visual aspects of the film. But without interesting characters, even the greatest plot can be spoiled. Funny people takes as serious a subject as there is out there. Death. And loneliness. And failure. And somehow still gets you to laugh hysterically. For this I give all the credit to writer/director Judd Apatow. He is most known for his everyday guy "guy comedies" like 40 Year-Old Virgin and Knocked Up. Hes also been behind the scenes of Superbad. All of these movies are silly. They feature schlubby guys that every one likes and relates to and they all have penis jokes. And they all have multiples f-bomb droppings. But people laugh their asses off at his films. Having created films that feature a guy peeing on his own face because he has a boner, one would not necessarily think that a person could effectively and humorously deal with the serious themes that Funny People does. This movie navigates the serious topics with very well placed jokes, mostly deflective, but well placed. The audience feels the relief and deflection just like the characters do. When things are getting too serious for a character, that character makes does some thing funny, sometimes on purpose as in a deflective joke, and sometimes just because the comedians in this movie could make reading a phone book funny. But the comedy helps the audience from getting too emotional in many scenes. The casting in this film is almost perfect. Adam Sandler plays a character that is, well, Adam Sandler, just a dying, ass holier version. Seth Rogen who is a a young jewish comedian who as recently lost a lot of weight, plays a young jewish comedian who as recently lost a lot of weight. Leslie Mann, who is Judd Apatow's smokin' hot wife, who you might recognize as the girl that pukes on Steve Carrell's character while she is drunk driving in 40-Year Old Virigin, plays a really hot former actress, who the audience will immediate fall in love with. Then there's the supporting cast, of Jonah Hill, the fat kid from Superbad, who does his normal fat, spazz, smart ass thing as one of Seth Rogen's roommates. Jason Schwartzman plays another roommate, who I didn't think was funny at all, and actually was the only character i never wanted to hug but just wanted to punch. and it was just because I thought his character kind of sucked as person. Eric Bana was a curious casting decision to me, mainly because he is the only non-comedian of the main characters. Although, (trivia fact of the day) he did get his start in Australia doing comedy. He is kind of a wacky super Australian. And while you aren't really suppose to love his character, there's definitely a scene involving a rugby match that is quite hilarious. Then there are Judd Apatow and Leslie Mann's daughters who play Leslie Mann's daughters in the film. These are also the adorable daughters of Leslie Mann's character in Knocked Up, just a little older and a little less adorable. The biggest surprise to me was an actress Aubrey Plaza, who plays a love interest, but who has the driest, most smart ass attitude I've seen in a while. Almost to the point of being a huge bitch, but shes not, she toes the line perfectly between being another one I just wanted to punch and one that I really actually end up loving. Funny People is a weird movie. Its impossible to describe in one sentence or less. If you go to the theater expecting to laugh like you did in Knocked Up, you're going to be disappointed. If you expecting to have some emotional tear jerking experience ala The Notebook, you're going to be disappointed. If you only like happy endings, well, you may or may not be disappointed. But if you want to see a dynamic movie. If you are tired of watching movies that follow the same old formula. If you want to watch a movie that makes you think about it afterwards, you'll like it. I'm still trying to decide whether i really liked the movie or not. It may require multiple viewings like a classic Coen Brothers flick. Regardless, of whether you like the movie or hate it, Funny People is definitely a change of pace for any movie watcher.