The Ugly Truth - Truthfully predictable

There is a formula that about 99% of all romantic comedies follow. Two people start out not knowing each other, many times when they first meet, they actually hate each other, they are forced to spend time together, see the true, inner beauty of the person, fall for each other, something happens where they "break up" or drift apart, then, in the end, they let love take over their heart, and, after some grand gesture, they live happily ever after. We all know that is how romantic comedies are, but that's not why girls make their boyfriends watch them. It's because they are funny enough to make you laugh, have beautiful people in them, and have happy endings. I personally watch them because I secretly hope that I will find one that will make me say, "Wow, didn't see that one coming!" Don't really think it's happened yet, but I keeping up hope.

The Ugly Truth follows this formula to a T. Don't get mad if you think i gave away the ending because we all know how it will end. That, once again, is one of the reasons that we watch them. Katherine Heigl plays Abby. An uptight, anal retentive, controlling, obsessive television producer (she seems to have mastered playing a bitch....hmmmm, makes you wonder...). She is so controlling that she brings a check list of talking points on a date. Gerard Butler (King Leonidus from 300...in a chick flick. i know! so sad! but he was also in P.S. I Love You, for the ladies) plays Mike. The host of The Ugly Truth, a show, which Abby's company picks up and she has to produce, on which he tells "the ugly truth" about what men and women really want. He's rude and crude, but makes a lot of very valid points. Well, if you follow the formula, these two don't like each other, but Mike is so sure about his methods that he convinces Abby to let him to help her land her dream guy using his methods. So through the course of the courtship, Mike and Abby begin to see the real person behind both of their facades. There's some kissing, some heartbreak, and then a super big loving gesture that makes all the girls swoon. Blah blah blah.

Now, I'm not blah blahing because I think I'm too cool to admit that I enjoy chick flicks every now and then. I did laugh at a couple of parts in this movie. And I did find myself smiling at the end. But I mean, I could have told you exactly what was going to happen at the beginning of every scene, which after a while, takes away some of the movie watching fun. I'm going to say this movie was bad, like I often say, its an okay cuddle session movie. Katherine Heigl is beautiful, Gerard Butler is his roguishly handsome self. There are some humorous supporting characters and actual on hilarious scene at a dinner table. But overall, as far as Rom Com's go, this one was kind of lacking. Rent it if you've run out of other cuddle session movies, otherwise wait until its on HBO or something.

Spread - Ashton Kutcher NOT acting like a lunatic.

Spread isn't a bad movie. It isn't all that good, but its not bad. Spread is about great looking twenty something guy (played by Kutcher) who has no home, no car, no job, manages to live the good life by drifting from one sugar mama to another. He hits on an older woman, makes her take him home with her, and then somehow weasels his way into her life in order to have a roof over his head. When doesn't work out, or he and his sugar mama break up, he just goes back out and finds another one and does it all over again. He is, in every since of the word, a player. He has a formula to approaching women, to getting them into bed, to getting them to let him stay at their home. Everything he does is methodical, emotionless, but it appears otherwise. We are let into this little program through voice over narration by Kutcher. All the time he is living with and sleeping with these older women (we are just shown his time with his sugar mama played by a great looking Anne Heche, Ellen's now straight ex-girlfriend) he is hooking up with the hotter, younger girls when his sugar mama is out of town. His idyllic existence is rocked when he meets a girl (played by Maragarita Levieta -- the girl from Adventureland that I told you about a few months ago) who he has feelings for and who appears to maybe be doing the same thing he is doing.

Ashton Kutcher is good looking enough to pull this role off. However, I'm not real sure if he's a good enough actor. I thought he was hilarious in That 70's Show, and I've been pretty entertained by most of his movies, but most of them are comedies. This movie is definitely not. It's actually kind of dark. It's just a little weird seeing him play a serious, playboy type. I don't know if it was my own prejudice or if Kutcher really was uncomfortable in the role, but it was a little difficult for me to take him seriously.

Kutcher aside, everyone of the other stars pulls their weight and does a good job. This movie has a very real, indie quality to it, which helps the audience identify with the situations and believe what is going on a little better. There is one scene in particular that involves a sort of mutual, nervous seduction, that I thought was great because it seemed so real! I could really feel the characters' nervousness, their sexual tension. Nothing explicit happens, but it was the most poignant scene in the whole movie.

Like I said, this movie has a indie feel to it, which turns a lot of people off. The action is pretty slow moving, and a part from a few sex scenes, there isn't a lot of action at all. The ending is "happy" per se, but there is a bit of a twist that was unexpected. I don't feel totally comfortable recommending this movie to anyone but those who really like Ashton Kutcher and want to see him in something different, love dark character driven indie films, or those who are intrigued by the LA lifestyle. Otherwise, you find yourself both bored and frustrated with the lack of anything happening, and the lack of resolution in the end.

The Taking of Pelham 123 - Denzel was great. Travolta, not so much.

Tony Scott directing + Denzel Washington and John Travolta starring = a good movie. Notice I just said good, not really good or great or really great or awesome. Just good. And I place the majority of the blame on John Travolta. Now I am not one of those John Travolta haters out there who thinks that he is terrible. I just think he played his character all wrong, or else was the part was just cast with the wrong actor. In the movie, Denzel is the good guy and Travolta is the bad guy. Normally, the phrase "John Travolta is playing the bad guy" gets me fired up. I think he has played some of the most entertaining, if not over the top, bad guys. See Broken Arrow. See also Face/Off. See also also Swordfish. Say what you want about the guy, those were all some pretty fun performances. This one, however, is not.

In Pelham 123, armed men, led by Travolta's character, hijack a subway train, and hold the passengers hostage for ransom. This turns a normal day for Denzel's character, who is a former big shot at the New York transit authority, now pulling dispatch duty while an investigation against him is on going, into one hell of a day. Because he was the dispatcher for the train that was hijacked, Travolta's villain decides that he will only talk to/cooperate with Denzel. This results in a tense game of cat and mouse between the two.

In this film, you see Travolta's bad guy as a handle bar mustache wearing, neck tattoo sporting thug, who happens to be brilliant. The whole movie, you know that Travolta's true motives are not what they seem, and when his true identity and reason behind committing this crime are revealed, you really have a hard time putting the criminal and the crime together. Travolta's best villains are cool, collected masterminds, who don't get rattled and don't "look" evil. And given what we find out about who Travolta's character is, he should be exactly that. But instead we get a some times cool, some times volatile, thug looking guy who does a terrible job at being a bad guy. Sure he "looks" evil, but he looks like a petty biker thug and not the mastermind that his character is supposed to be. Not only does the image not fit the criminal, Travolta's performance is just awkward. You feel like he couldn't really figure out how to play this guy, and you just don't get that uh oh feeling that you are supposed to get from a super villain like he is supposed to be.

As for every other aspect of the film, its very well done. Tony Scott continues to use the visual style of filming that he has adopted for his last few film, but tones down the choppy scene cuts and strange angles, yet stick with the acid trip color palate. If you have no idea what I'm talking about, think about the movies Domino, Man on Fire, and Deja Vu, and that's how this one is filmed. It just makes you a little less cross-eyed than the others. Denzel is his usual steady, awesome, good guy self. You really feel for the guy even though he is a flawed hero. You want him to win and you want everything good that can happen to him to happen. Because of this, you really hate a lot of the characters at one point or another in the film when they oppose him for various reasons. Most redeem themselves so, in that since its a "happy" film.

While this movie is tense at points and thoroughly entertaining throughout the majority of the film, it is quite predictable, and my roommate Timmy even called the ending to perfection at one point. While it doesn't take too much away from the movie, we, as movie watchers, still like to be a little surprised sometimes.

The only other knock I have is that the cussing got to be a little too much. I'm not one that gets uncomfortable in films that have a lot of bad language. I think a lot of times it is needed to create the tone of the story, and many times lines in movies just don't have the same punch without a well placed cuss word. But this one took the cussing a little too far, and it kind of became a bit of a distraction, if for no other reason other than there were a few unnecessary F-bombs. But I'm nitpicking now.

Overall, i thought this was a very watchable movie. It was far from perfect, and definitely not one Tony Scott's, Denzel's or Travolta's best, but I was still glad that I saw it. I think anyone would not be disappointed if they rented this one. Yes its R-rated, and yes there are too many cuss words, and yes there aer a few violent, and disturbing scenes, but is an R-rated action thriller. That's what its supposed to have in it. I recommend this to any one who likes a good R-rated action thriller every once in a while.

Land of the Lost - Just misses the mark

Land of the Lost stars Will Ferrell and Danny McBride (Pineapple Express, Tropic Thunder, East Bound and Down) so you know its going to be totally stupid humor. I mean I love both those actors, and I think the majority of their movies are hilarious, but it doesn't change the fact that it is stupid humor.

Land of the Lost is a "remake" of a 1970s TV show by the same name. I say "remake" because the really only things it shares in common are the name and the general outline of the story. I.e. going to the alternate world of the "land of the lost." The movie involves a disgraced scientist (Ferrell) who believes that time travel, or parallel universe travel is possible. He is working a meaningless job, when a beautiful young science student played by Anna Friel who adds the requisite "sex factor" convinces him that his theories are possible. Well the duo go to an area that is believed to be a portal to this alternate universe. This place is a third rate tourist stop run by Danny McBride's character. Well as it happens, all three get transported to this other world and the adventures begin. The characters befriend a bizarre monkey-like person named Chaka, get chased by a T-Rex and battle lizard like people named the Sleesack.

This movie misses the mark because the story and events that take place are more suited for a family, kid friendly movie. The special effects are kind of bad, but its like the movie tried to make them bad on purpose, kind of like the bad special effects on many kids TV shows. However, the movie is rated PG-13 mainly because some of the jokes and a couple of the scenes are more geared toward adults. However, not many adults I know would actually enjoy the movie as a whole. Yes, there are some jokes that were pretty funny, and a couple that would have probably been funnier if they weren't in this failure to make a kids movie.

Will Ferrell is his usually crazy, idiot self. Danny McBride has mastered the inappropriately confident, "I'm pretending to be too cool" redneck that he plays in every movie. And while it still hasn't gotten old to me and it's still pretty funny, I think that is the only character he knows how to play. Like I said before Anna Friel, plays requisite pretty girl. And while she not hit-you-in-the-face hot, she is definitely good looking and grows on you through the course of the movie.

This movie is just so-so. It wasn't terrible and I wasn't pissed that I'd just wasted 2 hours watching it, but if I never saw it, I wouldn't be missing out. I'm not going to tell you not to watch it, but I am going to say that you should probably exhaust all other options first. This isn't a terrible movie, but it isn't very good either.

Whatever Works Doesn't Work

I feel like every other movie I watch sucks. Oh well, the life of a movie dork. Sigh. I was very disappointed with this movie. I even had low expectations going in and I still was pissed at how bad it was! Blockbuster Online gave Whatever Works 3 out of 5 stars and that's voted on by very forgiving viewers. By boss, who shares a passion for movies as well, told me that this one was only "okay." And even with all this, I still found my self wanting to believe that a movie written and directed by Woody Allen and starring Larry David (creator of Seinfeld, star of Curb Your Enthusiasm, comic genius) had to at least be kind of funny. Nope. I think I laughed once, maybe twice after I'd finished my second beer. I love Woody Allen movies and I think Larry David is hilarious, but the 2 combined just doesn't work. Its kind of like the fact that I love peanut butter and i love barbecue but a peanut butter and barbecue sandwich would probably make me throw up like I'd just eaten a loaf of bread with a gluten allergy. That's the best analogy I could come up with, sorry for the gross visual.

In Whatever Works, Woody Allen comes back to New York after moving to London and Barcelona to make Match Point, Scoop, and Vicki Christina Barcelona. The movie is written like a play, and it might actually be better as a play. It is a series of very simple scenes that are basically comprised of very simple conversations between the characters. It stars Larry David, who plays a guy named Boris, who has a very negative outlook on life, and who frequently breaks the 4th wall to talk to the audience, which, in an attempt to be humorous, only he can see and everyone else thinks he's crazy. He is a genius and basically thinks every one else is retarded. He's a total ass. He's kind of like his character on Curb, but without any of the funny situations. He's actually A LOT meaner in Whatever Works. The title comes from his theory on love. Do whatever works.

Well, Boris meets Melodie, a blond, naive, overly southern, overly dumb, 21 year old ex-beauty queen runaway from Mississippi played by the usually Goth and dark Evan Rachel Wood (the girl dated Marilyn Manson for a while, so you can imagine how normal she is). Well, to make a long story short, old ass Boris and young ass Melodie get married. Her overly southern (I really hate when actors totally overdo southern accents in movies, it almost ruins some movies for me, but i digress) parents eventually find her, and end of staying in New York. As time progresses through the movie, everyone finds out who they really are and what really makes them happy, and everyone basically lives happily ever after. Very strange for a Woody Allen movie, but even the happily ever after is not "normal" happily ever after.

The movie is quirky like Woody Allen's movies tend to be, but it doesn't really have the off beat humor that they tend to have. There are really only a couple of funny parts and they involve really messed up situations. Larry David is just such a jerk that you kind of want to kick him in the face the whole movie. The way the story is told just keeps reminding you of watching a play, which kind of becomes distracting. When I first heard that Woody Allen's next film was going to star Larry David, i got pumped. Psssssss. That's the sound of my deflation. I was so bored while watching this movie that I started playing Scrabble on my computer while it was on. It actually took me 2 nights to get through it because I fell asleep 30 minutes into it the first night. If you have a thing with seeing all of Woody Allen's movies, then fine, go rent it. Otherwise, don't waste the 93 minutes that it takes to get through the film. The happy ending isn't that great.

Orphan - Not like all those other scary kid movies

When I rented Orphan, I thought it was going to be like all of the other movies where a kid is evil and kills everyone. Kind of like The Omen or Joshua, neither of which I liked very much and neither of which really scared me. I basically rented it because there wasn't much else worth renting and I was kind of in the mood for a scary movie. But man am I glad I rented it. Orphan is a good movie. I really wouldn't even throw it in the horror category. I would describe it more along the lines of a thriller. A very good, very frustrating, very scary thriller.

For those of you who want me to get to the synopsis already, Orphan is about a family who, after a miscarriage, decide to adopt a young child. The decide on a 9 year old girl named Ester. And while Ester is a very unusual girl (one of the reasons they adopt her) things with her are beyond strange little girl unusual, bad things start happening around her.

The movie is incredibly frustrating because the audience sees all the evil things that Ester does. She kills, threatens, and torments. And the only person who sees all this is the wife, Kate, played by Vera Farminga (Matt Damon's girlfriend from The Departed). The husband, John, played by Peter Sarsgaard, (Jake Gyllenhaal's sniper buddy from Jarhead) doesn't see this and thinks that Kate is just going crazy. Throw in the fact that Kate is a recovering alcoholic and it just makes it that much harder for John to believe her. Of course, the audience knows the whole time what Ester is doing, but no one else will listen to Kate.

The little girl who plays Ester does a fantastic job as a sadistic, psychotic 9 year old. Also, the little girl who plays the John and Kate's (HA! Just noticed that, John and Kate...okay, lame...) deaf, child is cute as button.

As, in any thriller you spend the whole time waiting for a twist or a revelation as to why things are the way they are. Many times, you figure it out way too soon and it kind of ruins the movie. In Orphan, there are quite a few questions that you spend the whole movie asking. Why is this girl a murderous psycho? Why does she wear those ribbons on her neck and wrists all the time? Why does she have a picture of a man in her bible? All these questions drive you nuts during the movie, and I personally spent the whole time forming hypotheses in my head. While I kind of guessed the ending, it was still pretty jaw dropping and very cool how it all unfolds.

I highly recommend this to any one who likes a little pulse quickening when watching a movie. If you hate horrors, you may not totally hate this one. Yeah, its creepy and there are some scary parts, and it may keep you up the night of, but its still pretty dang good. The only 2 knocks I have against Orphan, are that it drug on a little too long in the middle -- which leads to even more frustration, and the opening scene is totally disgusting and I highly recommend that you fast forward through it. Not only was it gross and bloody and gory, but its it ridiculously disturbing. Plus, if you miss it, it doesn't affect the rest of the movie. Let's just say it is a nightmare involving a bad child birth. Enough (maybe too much) said. I've been on a string of bad dramatic films (horror, thriller, drama) but this one was really good. Go rent it. It may not be a cuddle session type flick but its still a good movie.

The Proposal - I fun little Rom Com

I don't care what anyone says, Romantic Comedies are pretty fun movies. They are good mindless fun with happy endings. Even if they aren't hilarious, they make you laugh. There's always a pretty girl as the leading lady and you always feel good after watching them, regardless of how unrealistic or cheesy or cliche the movie actually is. I mean lets face it, it's almost impossible to make an unchessy or uncliched Rom Com. The Proposal is one of those fun movies.

The movie stars Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. Sandra Bullock is hot. Ryan Reynolds is hilarious. Bullock plays Margaret an evil, pushy boss who forces her young assistant, Andrew (Reynolds), to marry her in order to keep her Visa status in the U.S. and avoid deportation to Canada where she is from and thus losing her high powered job at a publishing company. However, to do this they must convince the customs official that the upcoming marriage is not a sham. Andrew was just happening to travel to his hometown in Alaska for his grandmother's birthday so Margaret comes along to help make the engagement look real. These 2 basically hate each other in the beginning. Margaret is a hateful bitch and Andrew is her abused sidekick who only sticks around in hopes of getting promoted and fulfilling his dream of being an editor. Well, as Rom Coms go, the 2 characters begin to see each other in a different light throughout the course of the weekend, and then fall in love for real.

I only have 2 knocks against this flick. There is a scene involving Betty White (who I think is the funniest old lady on the planet), and some Indian dancing that should have probably been cut in that is really too goofy and doesn't really fit in the movie, although it does involve some pretty funny dancing by Bullock's character. And, I know this is knit picky, but Reynold's character goes from despising Bullock's to being in love with her over the course of 3 days, which is kind of unbelievable, but whatever, its a movie.

As I mentioned before, Betty White is great as the vivacious, crazy grandmother. But the really scene stealer is Oscar Munez (better known as Oscar from The Office). If you watch The Office and know what kind of a character he plays in that (which is kind of an uptight, prim and proper person) you will laugh your a$$ off to his character in this movie.

I'm not going to sit here and tell you that this is one of the greatest movies I've ever seen. It's not the funniest romantic comedy ever, and while it has its sappy, love story ending, I don't know if the ladies will need to bust out the Kleenex. But it is a funny movie from beginning to end. You will laugh, and you will get that sappy love story feeling a couple of times. You feel good after watching this movie. If that's what you want out of a movie watching experience (and who doesn't?) then rent this one and you won't be sorry.